Happy Mothers Day: I wish my mother had not reproduced
No woman deserves any ‘respect’ just because she has reproduced a child. Bringing a child into the world is not a duty. It is a responsibility. This ‘responsibility’ factor is often missed in our celebration of motherhood.
Unfortunately I don’t have a time machine to go back into the past and tell all this to my mother before she slept with my father. But this is what I would tell her if I could.
1) Don’t reproduce if you don’t have the financial resource to take care of the child. Don’t assume that five years later your prospects will improve and you can give a better life to children.
Children are not stock market predictions. While it is harsh to tell a struggling woman who loves children to postpone her pregnancy, the prospect of raising children in a satisfactory atmosphere should be given priority.
2) Alternatively don’t have children, when you know that your career is going to be more important than raising children. It is irritating to hear from my parents how they sacrificed their professional life to feed me and school me.
There is nothing wrong in putting career ahead of other life considerations but kindly avoid children, if you tend to see children as stumbling blocks on the professional ladder to success.
3) Don’t have children when you are in a troubled relationship with your husband and it is a straight NO if your husband is abusive. Fix the marriage before having children or have a divorce. A traditional advice given is that ‘Husbands start caring or stop beating after wife becomes a mother’. It is as stupid as it sounds. Visit a marriage counselor before getting pregnant or take the pill.
4) Educate yourself about the modern liberal values of the ever changing society. Don’t impose your cultural conservatism on your children.
5) Don’t use your children as a punching bag to vent your emotions. Many women in traditional marriage set-up bear the brunt and stress from all quarters and tend to release them through their children.
Of course, men do have an equal responsibility and role in taking care of the child. But we tend to give supremacy to any woman who has reproduced a child and we have so far ignored the fact that many women don’t have the right mindset or even interest to raise children.
These women maybe good natured, kind and caring souls. But raising children comes with a certain kind of responsibility which women like my mother don’t have. Her violent and maniacal way of suppressing my joy and pursuits still blots my childhood memory.
I just wish my mother didn’t reproduce and left my father, so atleast both of them could have had independent happy lives.
Motherhood or any other form of parenting is not a duty. If you feel that you don’t have the responsibility or interest in becoming a mother, skip motherhood and have a happy life on your own terms.
Be a happy woman, instead of a sad and depressed mother.